©1994 by Oliver H. Jobson
If you
can not hear, you will feel
We are reminded that if we wish to
be forgiven we must first be able to forgive. This brings back to memory an experience
from childhood I wish to share with you.
My Mother, like most mothers, always had those profound pieces
of wisdom that most mothers taught their children during their upbringing. Like myself,
you may have noticed that these great insights of deeply coined philosophical pearls
always preceded a pending punishment. Sometimes it came after a very serious reprimand
that invariably was administered with great love; at the deprivation of some personal
privilege, to my regret.
If you are able to recollect, one of mother's favorite sayings
are: "never go to bed at night bearing a grudge. Always reconcile a
difference you may have with anyone before retiring to bed, lest you or they never awake
in the morning". Well we knew that these axioms of wisdom were definitely a
result of mothers guilt conscience for having administered either a loss of privilege or a
good spanking and always wanting to do her reconciliation before she retired to bed at
night.
Years later, this lesson failed to have come home to roost,
relative to my Dad who became my best friend. We were so close that I was on first name
basis with him as an adult. Nevertheless, It came to pass when each time we had our seldom
experienced difference of opinion, it was always reconciled with me humbly seeking a
renewal of friendship. Though, on many occasions I was in the right, or so I thought
anyway.
However, on that instance in question, I had one of those
altercations and was adamant that on that occasion Father would have to make amends by
initiating contact with me. I had no intention of first speaking to him, hopefully
teaching him a lesson. So, having walked out on him after that dispute, a few weeks had
gone by when one day I had a nagging feeling to renew contact with him thereby, breaking
the pact I made with myself.
A few days passed as I allowed that nagging feeling to erode my
will, having no intention of first showing weakness. Not being able to contain myself any
longer, I called his office and his secretary asked if I wished to be connected to him.
"No thank you" I said, "I only wanted to see if he
was alright" and hung up.
The following morning I received a phone call informing me that
my Dad had gone to rest as he had passed on that night from a tremendous coronary. He had
'died'. On hearing this I was struck dumfounded. I felt as if I had failed him as
a friend, as a son and as a human being.
For the fist time in my life I felt numb and lesser of a
man, failing to have taken heed of those beautiful lessons my mom had taught me.
Suddenly, my childhood past appeared before me
and only then did I understand the rationale for that rigid and 'terribly' disciplined
training I received. I thought that mom must have foreseen an experience like this taking
place.
I did not then have the capacity to understand the
wisdom of the ages on which flight it was passed from one generation to another. Through
whatever medium one's parent found it necessary to impart. Not only for our own personal
growth and development, but for the growth and development of the Human Race.
As I sat in my confused state at hearing this news,
I
wanted to explode with guilt at the thought that
I
missed the opportunity of sharing those last few weeks, days, hours, minutes and moments
with the man I so much Loved.
Thoughts of my relationship with him from youthful days ran
through my mind like a kaleidoscope. I remembered his wisdom as, in lieu of a spanking, he
always said,
"my son when you
are spoken to by your mother, myself or an adult it is necessary that you listen to them
and analyze what they are saying. It is necessary that you view their words from every
angle to understand the wisdom they are trying to impart. In this life, if one has the
capacity, one can learn from the wisdom of others rather than the bitter consequences of
one's own irresponsible or careless action. In other words if you can not hear you will
feel".
Only at that moment did
my conscience really force me into the understanding and realization of what was meant by:
"FORGIVE MY DEBTS AS I HAVE FORGIVEN MY
DEBTORS"
